goddamn, god blessed me

i can't remember the past
let alone my name
i can't ignore the signs
not to mention the pain
i can't acheive my goals
if i don't break this chain
and i'll never be a winner
if i don't play the game
fuck finding a vein,
i get high on life
at least that's what i tell myself
to sleep at night
and this track's all that's
keeping me alive
i tried life once
but couldn't ever get it right
with a roll of the dice
i follow their advice
to shoot the crap spat
from a snake eye's vice

i never knew as much as
i know this second
i know how to hold the weapon
but lack the discretion
hair trigger shot the teacher
before he finished the lesson
so maybe we should get a bite
and then fuck out of spite
i might actually learn something
if you teach it right
and i might go to heaven
if this preacher's right

he's saying: stop, look,
listen to the voices
the only thing we'll ever be
are products of our choices
so bring your egos to try me,
test me, choose to lose,
goddamn, god blessed me

the rightful owner's manual labor workers union

leanin' out the window
of my car with a cocked shotgun
taking cheaper shots at your
mailboxes just for funds
i know it may sound dumb
but it's the only thing that gets me by
the day by day grind
like looking odin in the eye
flutter butterfly, terror of the skies
now watch me dive bomb
taking over the night
just to eclipse the sun when it dawns
get up off your feet
and shuffle these streets
cut the deck, pull a queen,
and finding out what cheating truly means
fleeting glances stolen from the
rightful owner's manual labor workers union
make 'em fight for what we've got
while ignoring the "dudes, you rock,"
preferring deez beats to what you're not;
a solid rhythm played on pots and pans
clap your hands to make
the rubber band man dance
this damn monkey's dance

speaking for the both of me

i've waited, i've waited
way too fucking long
to come to some conclusion;
to finish our song
that was started way back
when my life was on track
when i had some direction,
some matter of fact,
but that's not how it happened
i tried to be happy
without you, but that's just too
impossible, you do
not wanna question this
how can you question it
is not unexpected to
throw a coniption fit
oh, pardon me,
you do not wanna see
how it really could be
if you'd just fucking see
the forest for the trees
and forget the damn bees
'cause this shit's for the birds
and just way too absurd
to give a second glance
beyond getting in your pants
i mean asking you to dance
i mean giving me a chance -
again - 'cause it should be a sin
that we're not what we could've been
like we were then
when we were just friends
'cause even that would be better
than what we have now
talking once every six months
if only you'd allow me
the privilege of your time
making me rewind
to how i felt when i laid eyes
on you for the first time -
i never thought
that i would get caught
in the middle of a plot
where you and i are not
together for better or
worse, through the weather,
the curses that come with each new
verse, you can bet it hurts

so when will it end,
this incessant "just friends"
when can i stop pretending
these feelings aren't in me...

okay, i take it all back
well, not the truth, just the words
that i spoke to give slack to the rope
i had hoped would give us the
chance we deserve, but...

give it up for sounding absurd.

just for a moment, love

if i weren't here
if i weren't who i am to you
if i were merely someone
on the brink of understanding
everything you are

if i weren't here
among the words you speak
under the very feet
you use to walk away from me

if i were merely here
to listen to every
word that carries
every bit of me away
would you mind if i stayed
just for a moment, love

if i weren't here
if i weren't every bit
the man you can't stand
would you mind if i
took your hand in mine
just for a moment, love

this scene is nothing new

guy walks down a road he knows
he's wandered many times before
looking for something, someone,
somehow, some reason to ignore
the signs that flash their lights in spite
of night's desire to overcome
the moon and all it thinks itself
so sure its stand against the sun
through gutter trash and safety glass
he wades neck deep and waits for sleep
in lieu of picket fences painted
red to match these bloodied streets
and though this scene is nothing new
to him whose paths diverged once more
whose woods give way to meadows
just may find his shelter from the storm

megan

most days i'm humbled by
everything we were, but
gnawing at my core is
a beauty attacking her beast and
nothing will ever tear you from my heart

fear

there are two types of fear: the fear of being rejected and the fear of being accepted. both keep us alive, but also keep us from living, one more than the other. which one depends on who you are and who you love. love someone who takes life with a grain of salt, and be afraid of the first. love someone who savors every bite and fear the latter. i have come to realize that neither position is ideal for either party involved in such love, yet the outcome will soon destroy all hope of ever finding the one who no one can deny perfection.

as for us, i must say you have lovely eyes. how do you feel about that? because i couldn't care less. you fear the latter and i fear the first. we scare each other and that's the best love i could ever dream up.

the pizza's here. will somebody let him in please?

a reply in two syllables

how does
one know
how far
down they
might fall
unless
they were
once free
to soar
higher
than how
deep you
felt in-
side of
me i
think i
just might

die.

to: sill a. bowls

i do
not want
to fly
higher
than i
know how
to fall
further
down the
spiral
leading
nowhere
and how
deep i
felt in-
side of
you i
think i
just might

die.

morbid mortality

i feel like i've been in a coma for eighteen years and i'm just now realizing what it feels like to live. i mean really live. fuck your routines. they're not gonna save you here. it's almost like a bad b-movie where you know what's going to happen next even before the score starts to build to an f-minor pentatonic scale, but you watch anyway, your eyes adhered to the screen. why? because we are a culture that loves to be wrong. we want to see the abortion happen without complications, but we want more to see the whore of a mother die in the process, proving that wholesome thoughts only appear in the nightmares of politions. why? because that would make our initial good-natured ignorance a waste of our time. so we root-root-root for love, justice, and that brave little toaster. because, well, nothing is worth never having to be wrong.

pull cards and bed sheets

never been one to complain
about the rain
or be so profane
you'd think i got mush for brains
but it's all the same
another day, another dame
when they don't know your name
and you, not once, look at their face
'cause at this pace
we'll end the race
a whole nine laps
ahead of the chase
and when you trip
put out your hands to brace
yourself against these days
we've yet to face

when smoke signals fail to relay danger

this isn't the beauty in the sadness
or the order to my madness
this simply follows the addage that
chaos isn't only found in the mind of the savage
so what're you looking for
with that gleam in your eye you're
just hoping to find something more
than you've been promised all those times before
first i look at your past
then i tear it in half
dividing all the good from the bad
setting each stack aflame
and seeing which one will longer last
as the smoke clears
and adheres
to the rivers of tears
caused by the fear
that each year
becomes harder to persevere
you slowly start turning
your head to the still burning
soon becoming ashes, but lasting
longer than the now wind-catching
stacks of pros and cons
and find the will to move on
when you realize that it's not the cons
of your life that still burns bright
now look this savage in the eye
and see his chaos come alive
'cause it's the beauty in
the sadness of your sigh
you let that you're relieved
that takes the madness from my life

the repercushions of questioning bliss

this is just a plea
you must adhere to
will you break the rules
you set up so as to
keep your safely guarded
heart a me-proof operation
'cause my patience
wears thick wool and is
starting to make me sick
how much i put up with your shit
so why don't you take me into
wherever you've kept me
for so long now
how does sense vow
to make itself out of this:
just a kiss
i've questioned bliss with shaking fists
but open palms now greet it's qualms
so now is then my two sense spent
how much to rent your heart for a while
how about just a smile on my behalf
a courtesy laugh is all i ask
so answer me in silence
see these eyes will try
their best to hide your pain inside
their selfish pride
i'm here and always will be your sigh
just as the sun sighs at the night
for making it's light seem that much more

bright.