[a work in progress]

i'm making faces in the bathroom mirror when she walks in. her face appears next to mine and for a second we stand there. silent. i'm caught.
"i woke up and you weren't there," her reflection is telling me, "i was worried you'd left."
sucked in cheeks with puckered lips: the fish.
the truth is she snores. and when she's not snoring she's hogging the sheets and kicking at my legs. i'd tell her this, but the truth is i haven't been getting laid lately and this is the only sure thing i have right now. the truth is i'm desperate.
i tell her i just had to take a leak. smooth.
pursed lips and puffed cheeks, ears folded forward: the monkey.
she shuffles up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. her reflection - now just a floating head above my right shoulder - is saying, "when are you expected home?" it's saying, "won't she get worried?"
my mom. i'm twenty-three, live at home, and if i'm late and don't call she assumes i've been raped and left for dead. her confidence in my competency has always lacked a certain...something.
for a variation on the monkey, add crossed eyes and flared nostrils.
i tell her, she's away for the weekend, feeling the freedom of a sixteen-year-old having been left parentless for the first time since hitting puberty.
my reflection turns to hers and i'm an inch from her face saying, but if you want me to leave -
"no, stay." she's quick to oppose my departure while at the same time pulling my hips to hers and half pressing, half grinding against my growing hard-on.
desperation is a two-way road.
the truth is at this point staying would be more depressing than turning down a sure thing. i give a half knowing smile as i slip past her post-coital body, grab my coat off the floor, my cigarettes off the nightstand, and before leaving the room i turn to say, call me.

infatuation

it's an infatuation, i know
but this life moves too slow
and when i'm with her
even the shadows glow

i nudge, she doesn't budge
i shove, she takes off the gloves
i pull back and she follows
so this is what it's like to fall in love

everything

say everything and
anything to make me
realize that this will
all fade away

how do you make me
realize that
over the rainbow is just a
catchy way to explain
how it feels to be in your arms

every second
literally every second and every
laugh and every song...
everything makes me think of you

for now
i sing songs and
songs sing to me
hear lyrics out of place

everywhere you go, a
reason for me to be there, too.

shallow girls make shallow graves

take a look in a book you haven't read
say whatever you haven't said yet
and make a bet with your past
to outlast
the last guy to do what you're doin'
and i gaurantee you're a shoe-in to fail
so take your shovel and pail
and dig yourself a shallow grave
to lay in until the day
when all you're nightmares fade away
of failing and impaling yourself on the stake
when all you're really scared of is making fucking mistakes
and you're to be afraid
i don't know how many ways to say
that you're gonna die alone
left to rot into bones
in that shallow grave you made

before

shoot the birds out the sky
and watch 'em fall to our feet
why do you insist on shooting down
everyone that you meet

but these days i'm a fog
and you're a thunderstorm
riding on the same breeze
you and me, we are

i float through these days in a haze
as you hover ominously,
threatening to drown me in my valleys
and wash me out of my hills

instead i see this tragedy
as a way to become what we
were too scared to see
before

pointless

it's pointless to say i'm sorry
when i've cause you so much pain
it's pointless to say i'm quitting
with the needle still in my vein

it's pointless to say i miss you
when you keep pushing me away
it's pointless to say that
i think about you every day

it's pointless to say i'm here
and will always be
it's pointless to say i love you
when in love we'll always be