megan

most days i'm humbled by
everything we were, but
gnawing at my core is
a beauty attacking her beast and
nothing will ever tear you from my heart

fear

there are two types of fear: the fear of being rejected and the fear of being accepted. both keep us alive, but also keep us from living, one more than the other. which one depends on who you are and who you love. love someone who takes life with a grain of salt, and be afraid of the first. love someone who savors every bite and fear the latter. i have come to realize that neither position is ideal for either party involved in such love, yet the outcome will soon destroy all hope of ever finding the one who no one can deny perfection.

as for us, i must say you have lovely eyes. how do you feel about that? because i couldn't care less. you fear the latter and i fear the first. we scare each other and that's the best love i could ever dream up.

the pizza's here. will somebody let him in please?

a reply in two syllables

how does
one know
how far
down they
might fall
unless
they were
once free
to soar
higher
than how
deep you
felt in-
side of
me i
think i
just might

die.

to: sill a. bowls

i do
not want
to fly
higher
than i
know how
to fall
further
down the
spiral
leading
nowhere
and how
deep i
felt in-
side of
you i
think i
just might

die.

morbid mortality

i feel like i've been in a coma for eighteen years and i'm just now realizing what it feels like to live. i mean really live. fuck your routines. they're not gonna save you here. it's almost like a bad b-movie where you know what's going to happen next even before the score starts to build to an f-minor pentatonic scale, but you watch anyway, your eyes adhered to the screen. why? because we are a culture that loves to be wrong. we want to see the abortion happen without complications, but we want more to see the whore of a mother die in the process, proving that wholesome thoughts only appear in the nightmares of politions. why? because that would make our initial good-natured ignorance a waste of our time. so we root-root-root for love, justice, and that brave little toaster. because, well, nothing is worth never having to be wrong.

pull cards and bed sheets

never been one to complain
about the rain
or be so profane
you'd think i got mush for brains
but it's all the same
another day, another dame
when they don't know your name
and you, not once, look at their face
'cause at this pace
we'll end the race
a whole nine laps
ahead of the chase
and when you trip
put out your hands to brace
yourself against these days
we've yet to face

when smoke signals fail to relay danger

this isn't the beauty in the sadness
or the order to my madness
this simply follows the addage that
chaos isn't only found in the mind of the savage
so what're you looking for
with that gleam in your eye you're
just hoping to find something more
than you've been promised all those times before
first i look at your past
then i tear it in half
dividing all the good from the bad
setting each stack aflame
and seeing which one will longer last
as the smoke clears
and adheres
to the rivers of tears
caused by the fear
that each year
becomes harder to persevere
you slowly start turning
your head to the still burning
soon becoming ashes, but lasting
longer than the now wind-catching
stacks of pros and cons
and find the will to move on
when you realize that it's not the cons
of your life that still burns bright
now look this savage in the eye
and see his chaos come alive
'cause it's the beauty in
the sadness of your sigh
you let that you're relieved
that takes the madness from my life

the repercushions of questioning bliss

this is just a plea
you must adhere to
will you break the rules
you set up so as to
keep your safely guarded
heart a me-proof operation
'cause my patience
wears thick wool and is
starting to make me sick
how much i put up with your shit
so why don't you take me into
wherever you've kept me
for so long now
how does sense vow
to make itself out of this:
just a kiss
i've questioned bliss with shaking fists
but open palms now greet it's qualms
so now is then my two sense spent
how much to rent your heart for a while
how about just a smile on my behalf
a courtesy laugh is all i ask
so answer me in silence
see these eyes will try
their best to hide your pain inside
their selfish pride
i'm here and always will be your sigh
just as the sun sighs at the night
for making it's light seem that much more

bright.

for sale: one future, slighty used

this river's flowing showing
snowmen what their futures hold
the comfort knowing where
we're going leaves us all but bold
but in this dreary weary life
my future's clearly sold
to the highest bidder
but i'm anything but bitter
when these days i'm feeling fitter
happier to fold
my hand before i can
no longer strive for gold and
this life is nice
but twice the price
for half my future sold
i never told you
what i know to
be the only truth
but i'm believing
now what i'm seeing
now will soon make me choose...

[you]

your true feelings in [brackets]

you like the way i make you feel
[about yourself]
you like the idea of being in love
[or rather being loved]
you like to think of what we have
[or rather what we had]

you love me
[loving you]
you want me
[to want you]
you need me
[to say...]
anything to make you feel
[anything but pain]

you've given me everything you have
[everything but love]

the winner's right to lose

tonight will be
the night that we
begin to see
a future brighter than
the one we know
is just for show
so just let it go
this fucking town
moves way too fucking slow
and as we fly by
what used to make you cry
no need to be polite
just take my hand
and simply wave good-bye
to what you thought you knew
to once be true
we have this chance to prove
that everyone has the right to choose

and just as i've chosen you,
every winner has the right to lose

perfection through these eyes

this one's for you
and you know who you are
i know we could go far
and run faster than cars
oh, if you only knew
see, i've thought this thing through
all the way to the moon
and how it shines just for you
cheesy as hell
i never kiss and tell
but you make it so hard
for me to keep it all in
next to my shame and my sins
i just can't seem to let go
so just take all of me
my generosity and greed,
my wants and my needs,
my follow and my lead,
and when you've bled me dry
promise to leave my eyes
so as to see you become
what i've seen all along:

perfect.

failing you, my only regret

i don't regret much
'cause i've learned from my mistakes
and my past is what's made me
who i am today
but it's strange i can't explain
exactly how i feel
when you've been the focus of my thoughts
ever since you were first brought
to me from somewhere else
somewhere better, somewhere brighter,
some place where my heart is lighter
'cause ever since i failed you
it's been heavier than ever
now the only way to lift this weight
is to come right out and tell you straight:

you're the reason i still breathe
and live to see another day
all in hopes ammends are made
with you so i can hear you say
that you forgive me,
love me, miss me
it's then i'll hold you pressed against me
to save you from
those tears you've feared
would fall aginst another's ear
but as of now, and here on out
i'll be that ear to hear your shouts,
your laughs, your cries,
of joy, not of spite
your whispers, your sighs
as you gaze into my eyes
and see a future bold and bright
my heart is yours as well as i

tonight.

e.m.i.l.y.

emanate beauty through everyday life
make a scene, make a mess, make my knees weak
i lay in bed making wall shadows dance and
listening to everything that's ever made me love
you.

grace

i'm bored and you're boring.
so let's find a common ground
between the mattress and the sheets,
just for the fuck of it.

the reshaping of rain clouds

from the first time i saw her standing next to the fire place i knew that i'd have to prove i wasn't just another head case. "sure i've got some issues, but i bet you have 'em, too. and i know that there's gonna be some things we'll need to get through." what's said is done and what's done is said to be the reason we fall down and get right back up again.

anyway, back to the story: we left the bar at last call and held each other in the rain. it was then i knew i was bound to fall and sure enough, three weeks later, without a headline in the paper, i hit the ground hard, explaining why when she's around my knees get weak. i guess it's easier to fall than it is to fly, but when we kissed, i swear to god i felt like i could reach the sky and reshape all the clouds to remind her of me. 'cause these days it feels like i need all the help i can get. so i'm calling myself to make sure my phone still works. and when i get smart with the rep, she's the third in a day to call me a jerk, which i guess explains why my story ends with this scene:

she's reading how to tell him that you're just friends in a pop magazine after a late night with her single cousins and a guy who's everything but me. while my phone sits silent i'm wondering why i didn't see this coming from so far away. nothing gold will ever stay in the hands of someone who's been settling for copper eggs. so high you sat upon your thrown i built for you to rule my mind that when you stepped down, gave up your crown, it made me realize that no matter what i think i deserve or who's in whose league i just need to believe in everything you said i'd never be:

loved.

all of this / and just like that...

[part one]
this is ours. all of this: these moments and moments passed; moments to come and moments missed; all of this is ours. everything we had and lost or misplaced is still ours and i cherish those moments the most. everything we currently hold dear, held closest to our hearts, and everything we're bound to obtain, all of this is ours and will be ours forever. and for that, i thank you.

[part two]
and just like that...it's gone. the glances, the chances, our song. all because i couldn't accept that my failures wouldn't fail you. i tried so hard to hide from my past that i ended up hiding from the one person that understood it as just that...past. and now added to the list of faults that i never wanted you to endure, you sit atop as the one i regret most failing. so gone are we, but for this opportunity to build on the ashes a foundation based on honesty and integrity that crumbled so quickly before i realized that all i want is to be wherever you are and wherever you need me to be. and this being the first brick laid: i promise that whatever we are or whatever we become, the worst is over and you can have the best of me. i'd do anything to make you happy and everything to make you smile. i just wish i didn't have to lose you for me to fully understand how much it hurts when i make you sad.

and just like that...?

where tracks meet

here we are:
a slip and a tangle
away from being dangled
over the heads of
anyone who
never gives love a chance

there you are:
a quip and a smile
so far from denile
am i to think
i might be falling
and hard

here i am:
just a boy who
wants nothing but to
hold you and promise,
as long as you'll let me,
i'll never let you go

the way

the way she walks
the way she laughs
the way she knows
how to work what she has
the way she smells
the way she thinks
the way her touch
brings me to the brink
the way she kisses
like she already came
and the way she sighs
when i say her name
the way she dances
when she knows i'm watching
and the way she looks at me
when no one's around
the way she lives
and the way she loves
is everything i'd ever want
everything i've dreamed of

i didn't mean to wake you

i just called to say hey
so...hey, i guess it's just
i need to hear your voice sometimes

and when you said my name
that slightly annoyed tone
i smiled just knowing that
i get to make it up to you

so, i guess i'll let you go
off the phone, not from me
it'd take worlds more than a tone
for me to let you leave my mind

this has greatness written all over it

i think maybe
you should stop pretending
what we have
you've had before
you try so hard
to ignore the feeling
you get when you
look into these eyes

arms wide open
take me in the rain
i will make sure
you feel no more pain

you think maybe
this time will be different
what we have
you've been looking for
you try too hard
to make them happy
that there's nothing
left that makes you smile

arms wide open
take me from this rain
i will make sure
you've everything to gain

this has greatness
written all over it
what we have
won't ever fade

everything, the same

emotions unchained
leave thoughts unchanged
of life, love, and the insane
idea that pleasure comes without pain

when anything said in vain
is never worth saying
unless your intentions are to be paying
the price of feelings slain

you whisper my name
like it's fuel to my flame
but if this is just a game
i don't think i want to be playing

so leave the wild untamed
and the lifeless inane
and you'll feel your interest wane
in leaving everything the same

all my life

all my life i've waited for
my dreams to come true that
a beauty such as you may
notice me like you do, so
don't ever doubt my intentions, 'cause
all my life i've waited for you